Summer
Post by Bella Walsh on Mar 21, 2013 2:52:33 GMT -5
I just need to vent and this is as good a place as any.
I hate waking up in the morning anymore. As it is, I wake up an hour or two before work and I don't leave the bedroom until its time to go. I don't like being so depressed that all I can do is sleep. I don't want to even eat, just sleep.
I'm only happy at work. At least there I am alone most of the night and don't have to worry about pissing someone off all the time like at home. You get mad at me for pushing you away when you treat me like I can do no right.
Then you come to me...after I get home...and say you want me to be happy, even if it isn't with you? Excuse me? No, you don't, or every time I say we need to separate, you wouldn't spout off this true love bullshit.
Newsflash. I was happy with you when we got together and I did anything and everything for you. Then you kept, and continue, to prove that I'm worth nothing. My thoughts are worth nothing. You don't want to be alone. Let's just face it.
I have tried to not be so stuck on everything you say. And I know that when I get mad that I need to leave the room or I will say things I don't mean. That doesn't mean you need to get up and follow me, yelling the whole way. And it certainly doesn't mean that if I'm putting my shoes on to take a walk that you rip them out of my hands and throw them away. Much less that when you've yelled at me until I finally cry, that you physically try to put my shoes on me like I needed your permission to take a frigging walk.
No. I didn't. I would have walked out eventually. Plus, its not like I would go far! I walk to work and stay there until I'm calm enough to go home. At least the person on 4th shift tries to make me laugh when I wind up there looking a hot mess because of you.
I'm so sick of fighting and arguing. I'm so sick of sitting in one room and hoping the bottom doesn't drop out on my emotions and I wind up doing something dumb...again. You've driven my friends away and you make it impossible to make new ones. All my girl friends don't like how self-obsessed you are, or you have tried to talk them into bed...and you don't permit me to have male friends...convinced that they are trying to bed me.
One day you'll push me into someone else's arms.
And its not like I haven't had offers. Sad when total strangers make a point to tell me I look pretty and make it seem believable and you don't. Sad when total strangers want to take me out and you don't even offer. And I suppose that's my fault too.
I used to be so independent. I didn't need anyone. That's laughable now. You've made me rely on you for so much that I lost me. And I hate me for that.
I want to be happy. I just don't think I can be anymore. All I'll ever expect is more pain.
I hate waking up in the morning anymore. As it is, I wake up an hour or two before work and I don't leave the bedroom until its time to go. I don't like being so depressed that all I can do is sleep. I don't want to even eat, just sleep.
I'm only happy at work. At least there I am alone most of the night and don't have to worry about pissing someone off all the time like at home. You get mad at me for pushing you away when you treat me like I can do no right.
Then you come to me...after I get home...and say you want me to be happy, even if it isn't with you? Excuse me? No, you don't, or every time I say we need to separate, you wouldn't spout off this true love bullshit.
Newsflash. I was happy with you when we got together and I did anything and everything for you. Then you kept, and continue, to prove that I'm worth nothing. My thoughts are worth nothing. You don't want to be alone. Let's just face it.
I have tried to not be so stuck on everything you say. And I know that when I get mad that I need to leave the room or I will say things I don't mean. That doesn't mean you need to get up and follow me, yelling the whole way. And it certainly doesn't mean that if I'm putting my shoes on to take a walk that you rip them out of my hands and throw them away. Much less that when you've yelled at me until I finally cry, that you physically try to put my shoes on me like I needed your permission to take a frigging walk.
No. I didn't. I would have walked out eventually. Plus, its not like I would go far! I walk to work and stay there until I'm calm enough to go home. At least the person on 4th shift tries to make me laugh when I wind up there looking a hot mess because of you.
I'm so sick of fighting and arguing. I'm so sick of sitting in one room and hoping the bottom doesn't drop out on my emotions and I wind up doing something dumb...again. You've driven my friends away and you make it impossible to make new ones. All my girl friends don't like how self-obsessed you are, or you have tried to talk them into bed...and you don't permit me to have male friends...convinced that they are trying to bed me.
One day you'll push me into someone else's arms.
And its not like I haven't had offers. Sad when total strangers make a point to tell me I look pretty and make it seem believable and you don't. Sad when total strangers want to take me out and you don't even offer. And I suppose that's my fault too.
I used to be so independent. I didn't need anyone. That's laughable now. You've made me rely on you for so much that I lost me. And I hate me for that.
I want to be happy. I just don't think I can be anymore. All I'll ever expect is more pain.
