Post by Bella Walsh on Mar 1, 2013 6:10:37 GMT -5
It's been a week since my memory charm broke and disbanded, and y thoughts are finally getting more clear than they ever have in my life. I remember that I love strawberries and wildflowers, birds and cats, the dew on the grass, butterflies, iced tea, blood oranges and pears, the colors blue and silver, and I remember how to enjoy all of those things. Perhaps that's the most important part of all of that.
I remember the sound of my mother's voice, and how she used to sing so beautifully. I sound like her, but I'm too shy to sing aloud to see if I could hope to sound so beautiful too. Maybe I'll take music next year and try to get my confidence up.
I had a dream about Artemis last night, about our last date to the tea house and I woke up so warm that I couldn't go back to sleep again. I did go down to the Common Room and was shocked to see Lili and Cern awake already, along with Keela. At least I wasn't alone.
I remembered to thank Lili this time, and she's so sweet, she didn't make any fuss on my delay on manners. When Cern and Keela wandered off to do something, she asked me what I was doing up so early. I told her about the dream and told her I just didn't know what all those feelings were and that they were a little confusing.
Shockingly, she didn't laugh at me. She said they were for her too when she first felt them. But, she also said that those feelings just meant that I wanted Artemis. Honestly, I didn't know what she meant by that, so I told her I knew that I did want him, else I wouldn't be with him. That's the common sense answer...right?
Wrong.
After a good fifteen minutes of her trying to go around saying it and me not understanding what she meant, she came out and told me the nitty gritty of what it was those feelings were. I must have turned a shade of red that would have made Godric Gryffindor proud, because she started laughing at my horrorstruck expression. She told me that it was natural, just part of growing up and that everyone had those feelings.
This girl would make a good therapist.
But, the cake came when I told her I didn't understand what I wanted so badly from him. She looked almost embarrassed to explain it to me, but she did a good job. Granted, I'm embarrassed as hell still that I had to have a fifth year explain the facts of life to me...and that when she explained to me what it entailed I practically spat my cocoa all over the couch...but I had no desire to know before and no reason to think that I'd ever have those feelings for anyone! I thought I'd always be alone, until he came into my life.
I'm a little nervous, now that I know what it was I wanted because I have a feeling like...maybe he didn't feel the same. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't know what we were feeling just as I didn't. It's hard to say really. I think that I am just over thinking again.
Despite being embarrassed for not knowing, I'm curious about all of this. What does it feel like? Well, certainly it must feel good or people wouldn't do that stuff, right? I have a lot of questions and no answers, really. I wish I knew but...this sort of thing takes two people and I see Artemis as being the sort that would be too afraid to take charge.
Maybe I'll have to always make the first move, even though it makes me feel too brazen. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a troll because he always seems so scare to touch me, but then he tells me about how beautiful he thinks I am and it all goes away.
Merlin, I am over thinking things.
I remember the sound of my mother's voice, and how she used to sing so beautifully. I sound like her, but I'm too shy to sing aloud to see if I could hope to sound so beautiful too. Maybe I'll take music next year and try to get my confidence up.
I had a dream about Artemis last night, about our last date to the tea house and I woke up so warm that I couldn't go back to sleep again. I did go down to the Common Room and was shocked to see Lili and Cern awake already, along with Keela. At least I wasn't alone.
I remembered to thank Lili this time, and she's so sweet, she didn't make any fuss on my delay on manners. When Cern and Keela wandered off to do something, she asked me what I was doing up so early. I told her about the dream and told her I just didn't know what all those feelings were and that they were a little confusing.
Shockingly, she didn't laugh at me. She said they were for her too when she first felt them. But, she also said that those feelings just meant that I wanted Artemis. Honestly, I didn't know what she meant by that, so I told her I knew that I did want him, else I wouldn't be with him. That's the common sense answer...right?
Wrong.
After a good fifteen minutes of her trying to go around saying it and me not understanding what she meant, she came out and told me the nitty gritty of what it was those feelings were. I must have turned a shade of red that would have made Godric Gryffindor proud, because she started laughing at my horrorstruck expression. She told me that it was natural, just part of growing up and that everyone had those feelings.
This girl would make a good therapist.
But, the cake came when I told her I didn't understand what I wanted so badly from him. She looked almost embarrassed to explain it to me, but she did a good job. Granted, I'm embarrassed as hell still that I had to have a fifth year explain the facts of life to me...and that when she explained to me what it entailed I practically spat my cocoa all over the couch...but I had no desire to know before and no reason to think that I'd ever have those feelings for anyone! I thought I'd always be alone, until he came into my life.
I'm a little nervous, now that I know what it was I wanted because I have a feeling like...maybe he didn't feel the same. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't know what we were feeling just as I didn't. It's hard to say really. I think that I am just over thinking again.
Despite being embarrassed for not knowing, I'm curious about all of this. What does it feel like? Well, certainly it must feel good or people wouldn't do that stuff, right? I have a lot of questions and no answers, really. I wish I knew but...this sort of thing takes two people and I see Artemis as being the sort that would be too afraid to take charge.
Maybe I'll have to always make the first move, even though it makes me feel too brazen. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a troll because he always seems so scare to touch me, but then he tells me about how beautiful he thinks I am and it all goes away.
Merlin, I am over thinking things.