holly lord [mattieu]

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Scorpius was feeling nervous for some inexplicable reason as he waited for his childhood friend Mattieu outside of the library. Even though they were both at Hogwarts, there were some obvious barriers between them when it came to communication, like houses and classes, so Scorpius would sometimes send his owl to Mattieu with messages. He sometimes felt that it was a bit excessive to use his owl to deliver letters to people who were on the same grounds that he was, but he didn't care that much.

The letter was as brief as it ever was, merely asking Mattieu if he would meet him in the library after dinner. Scorpius didn't want to admit that he was feeling a bit lonely right now, and in need of a friend... Since he was kind of a hard person to approach (so he'd been told by the few people who had actually befriended him after Hogwarts) he didn't have that many people to go to. And he missed Mattieu, really. He often got lost in his own interests and mind, and forgot to keep in touch with his old friends. Especially the ones that were in a different house than he was.

He had made sure that there was a reason to meet with him so that Mattieu wouldn't get annoyed with him. Never mind that he had never given Scorpius a reason to think that he might do so. Scorpius was paranoid sometimes, not wanting to force his presence onto another person. The 'reason' was that he had a Christmas present for Mattieu. Although one would probably laugh to know what it was, something so generic and typical of Scorpius, only Scorpius himself would know how meaningful it was for him. A book of muggle fairytales, one just like the one that his mother had read to him when he was younger.

The reason for the meeting place being outside of the library... well, it was where Scorpius felt most comfortable, and it was a neutral ground for all houses.

[Mattieu Leclair]

Mattieu reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter once again, carefully unfolding it and pulling at the edges in a futile attempt to straighten out the creases now permanently etched into the parchment from folding and refolding. Meet me in the library after dinner, it said in Scorpius’ script. Mattieu found himself imagining the other male pressing his quill to the parchment, the ink bleeding across the page all for Mattieu. When he thought of this he couldn’t help but find it unbelievable.

Me? Why me? I mean, we’re friends, so, it shouldn’t be anything unordinary about receiving a letter from a friend initiating a meet-up in the night…right? Mattieu’s heart pounded against his chest and he felt his fingers begin to tingle, the nervousness creeping up his throat and lodging itself there to form an uncomfortable lump of anxiousness.

What am I thinking? Of course this is normal. There is nothing more to this! This is Scorpius, after all. He is very dignified and honest and intelligent and…handsome. Very handsome. Simply mesmerizing. Mattieu sighed, a little smile dipping along his lips. Then he shook his head, blinking rapidly.

No! Stop that! Don’t you dare ruin this moment with any of your strangeness! When will this chance ever come again? No weird thoughts, no counting, no accidents. Be normal or else…you may lose him forever.

Mattieu sighed again, shoulders sagging, and in his obliviousness he hadn’t noticed Harold and Louis headed his way with snarky smirks so proudly warn upon their faces. Harold, a slender fellow with shaggy blond hair and small green eyes, slipped by Mattieu and plucked the letter from his grasp.

“What do we have here, Louis?”

Louis, a stocky boy with square shoulders and crooked teeth bumped Mattieu enough to make him stumble, which both boys found comical.

“Looks like little Mental Mattie has a letter, Harold.”

“No! Give it back!” Mattieu shouted, reaching for the letter only to have Harold hold it out of reach. Louis shoved a hand to the Hufflepuff’s chest and sent him to the floor with ease.

“Meet me in the library after dinner. Signed, Scorpius,” Harold cooed, “Well, isn’t that sweet.”

“Scorpius Malfoy?” Louis asked, shoving Mattieu back down when he scrambled up to grab at the letter.

“Give it here!” shouted the Hufflepuff, slowly beginning to panic.

“I know the Malfoys fell hard after the war, but this is just pitiful!” Harold laughed. He loomed over Mattieu and tutted. “You know what I heard, Louis? I heard Mental Mattie’s brother, here, was seen dancing quite intimately with Xerxes Zabini.”

“Xerxes Zabini?” Louis echoed, pushing Mattieu down once again. “It’s got to be some kind of curse, I tell you. No way would both the Malfoys and the Zabinis fall so low.”

Harold smirked. “My dad says that the Leclairs are a bunch of filthy parasites who find all of their children in trash bins at the mental hospital.”

“Well, they very well can’t have children of their own, can they, both being blokes and all,” Louis agreed, “And no sensible orphanage would give a child to that lot.”

Tears stung Mattieu’s eyes as the two boys snickered. He found that most people were quite accepting of his family and of him and his brother, but not Harold and Louis. They liked to torment him, using anything they could to stir a reaction from him, because that is what they really wanted. A reaction from Mental Mattie.

“And so, the Leclair plague is spreading through great pureblood families like Malfoy and Zabini. It’s a right shame, it is. What has society come to?” Harold said, feigning concern.

Mattieu could feel his face grow warm as his heart racketed off the walls of his chest. His breathing quickened and the tears streamed down his reddened cheeks. “Take that back! You don’t know anything! You have no right to say those things!”

“Oh, look, we’ve made him cry,” Louis said, snorting as he snickered.

“Poor Mental Mattie. One can just count all of your bad fortunes, can they? Weak, mental, and homosexual! You’re three for three, little Mattie!” Harold stated, slapping Louis’ shoulder as he laughed.

Shaking, Mattieu frowned, drawing in what little courage he had with his own anger and anxiousness. He stood and whipped out his wand before Louis could get the chance to push him back down, giving it the old swish-and-flick.

“Patrificus totalus.”

Gasping, Louis’ eyes grew wide as saucers as he was frozen stiff and fell over like a plank of wood. Before Harold could spit a curse, he followed his friend to the ground, stiff as stone and just as shocked. Mattieu, whose lower lip quivered uncontrollably, dusted himself off, wiped away his tears and straightened his shirt.

“I-I’m very sorry, Harold and Louis, but I simply don’t have time for your petty antics today. You nor I will ruin this for me.” He gave an assured nod and stepped over Louis to bend over and pluck the letter from Harold’s stiff fingers. “And I’ll be taking this, thank you very much.”

With another nod, he continued down the corridor to leave the two boys for someone to find. It wasn’t until he turned the corner that he legs became wet noodles, his nerves were buzzing, and his heart was challenging the speed of a humming bird’s. Slowly breathing in and out, he counted each step he took beneath his breath, concentrating on only that to let the repetitive procession of measured steps calm him.

“142, 143, 144—oh! Sorry!” Completely oblivious to everything around him, Mattieu bumped into someone and when he raised his head, he gasped. “Scorpius! I-I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention! I…I didn’t even…A-Are you alright? Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry! I’m so bloody clumsy! I break things and hurt everything in my path! We should get you to the Hospital Wing! You could have broken bones or internal bleeding!” Mattieu hissed, cursing himself and moaning woefully. “No…I’ve ruined your life! They were right! I am the plague! I should be killed! I don’t deserve to live! This is so terrible!”

[Scorpius Malfoy]

Scorpius was beginning to wonder if Mattieu had even gotten the letter, or if he had found something better to do. Or maybe he forgot. Scorpius had the tendency to write forgettable letters that were to the point, so maybe Mattieu had read it and forgotten just as soon as the paper was out of his hands. He didn't want to give up on it quite yet, though, and besides, he didn't have anything better to do.

People kept walking by, but Scorpius didn't even look at them. He felt a little ridiculous holding the book, though that was only because it was wrapped. If it hadn't been a late Christmas present it would have just been a book... And outside of the library, that wouldn't have drawn much attention at all.

He was preparing to go wait inside the library (and maybe Mattieu had actually gotten here before him, that was a possibility) when suddenly someone collided with him. He was used to this happening, probably more used to it than a lot of people, because he had this odd ability to disappear in plain sight. Even if he'd been there the whole time people would run into him, or notice him in mid-conversation with a friend. Then again, there were other times... When giggling girls watched him as he studied or practiced flying. He would take not being noticed over being fawned over.

But then it was Mattieu's voice. Come to think of it, he had been saying something before he even ran into Scorpius. If there was any ability he had honed better than the disappearing, it was tuning out his surroundings. Maybe that was why he was so susceptible to accidents.

He didn't have time to think anything else because Mattieu was talking. Fretting, rather... And he looked upset. Scorpius doubted that it was all because he had bumped into him. “Mattieu, Mattieu,” he said twice in a calm voice, putting his hands on his shoulders to get his attention, and to stop him from talking that way.

“I'm fine, you didn't hurt me. It was my fault for standing here like this anyway... And anyway, you haven't ruined my life.” He smiled a little bit. Even though Mattieu was clearly upset he couldn't help but find it funny that he would being up internal bleeding and broken bones at so small an impact. Scorpius played quidditch sometimes, and he had gotten hurt rather badly in the past. This was nothing to him... Probably nothing to an ordinary person, either. But when he thought through what Mattieu had just said (it took a moment to separate and process each thing) his smile went instead to a frown, his brows coming together in worry. “What did you mean by 'they were right'? Who was right? Did someone say something? What did they do to you?”

It wasn't often that Scorpius felt like fighting someone. He certainly wouldn't cast spells to defend himself against hurt since he had learned long ago to let insults slide off of him. But Mattieu was much more sensitive than that. It was one of his good qualities, Scorpius thought, except in situations like this. He looked Mattieu directly in the eye, trusting that he wouldn't lie to him. “Tell me what happened.” For now, the book was forgotten.

[Mattieu Leclair]

“I am not fit to live! I am a disgrace to all wizard kind! Mankind! Every living organism on this planet and beyond!” Mattieu continued, his head spinning with a storm of self-depreciating thoughts. He was moaning about never having been born when Scorpius was calling his name. The weight of his hands upon Mattieu’s shoulders drew his attention back to the world beyond his own mind and he looked into Scorpius’ eyes and suddenly forgot how to speak. Instead of being filled with words, he felt himself inflating with warmth and fluttery butterflies whose wings brushed along his insides, tickling him and making him nervous. He could feel the warmth in his face, cheeks reddening softly.

Merlin’s beard, he’s spectacular…

“Are you sure?” Mattieu heard himself respond to the other’s comment about not being hurt and not having a life that is completely demolished. Despite feeling as if he’s slaughtered a litter of puppies, the smile on Scorpius’ lips reassured him that everything was okay. Mattieu sighed gratefully.

“I worried that I had absolutely ruined everything,” he laughed meekly. However, when he saw his friend’s brows come together and his smile wane, his worries all came rushing back and he felt the claws of panic begin to grip his pounding heart.

“What did you mean by 'they were right'? Who was right? Did someone say something? What did they do to you?”

Mattieu’s eyes were wide as saucers as Scorpius peered directly into his soul and he was quivering with a fear of mysterious origin.

“Tell me what happened.”

“What happened…” he began, feeling his fingers prickle, his hands growing cold.

Should I tell him about Harold and Louis? It isn’t as if Harold and Louis have never confronted me with insults before. I am a Prefect. I should be able to handle them. Besides, if I tell him about all the things they said…what would he think of me? Would he agree? Would he see me for the tragically broken, mishap that I am? Would I lose him? It’s only acceptable, isn’t it? I am not suitable a friend for someone as wonderful as Scorpius. Would he think me weak for complaining about them? He could disown me as his friend! I could ruin the friendship between our families! Everyone would hate us!

“Please don’t hate us,” he heard himself saying, hot tears pouring down his reddened cheeks as words hastily spewed from his mouth. “I know everyone believes us to be a plague, but I promise that I will do everything in my power not to ruin the integrity of your family. I know I am mental, but I am trying my very best despite that to be a good friend to you. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was really found in the trash at a mental institution. It’s so completely possible! I mean, look at me! I’m utterly repulsive! Harold and Louis are entirely right! They’re right about everything! I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again! Oh, great Merlin!” he turned, gasping for air, slipping in numbers in between.

“One,” pant, “Two,” pant, “Three,” pant, “Four…” His mind spun uncontrollably and he focused on the numbers as he grasped his heart which tore haphazardly through his chest. Everything was falling in around him, nothing but complete and total chaos. What started out as a good day was now turning into a terrible night. That’s it. It’s over. Everything is over. My life is completely finished.

[Scorpius Malfoy]

When Mattieu got this way, Scorpius had the most trouble figuring out how to make him feel better – because doing nothing at all was not an option. They'd been friends for a long time, and honestly, it kind of made Scorpius feel like a jerk that Mattieu could ever think that Scorpius thought that way of him. It just showed that Scorpius had again been neglectful of his friends when he was spending all of his time studying instead. He decided that he would change that, even if finding the balance between social and academic felt impossible at times.

But, more importantly, he had to try to think of a solution for making Mattieu feel better now.

“Of course I'm sure. You're my friend. We wouldn't be friends if you were a 'life ruiner'. You're none of that. And whoever told you that you were was only speaking of themselves.” After all, Mattieu was the one that was upset now, not Scorpius, and not whoever had told him all of that. The anger hit Scorpius again, and he wished that he knew where the culprit/s were right now. Time enough for that. He was pretty sure that he could get Mattieu to tell him. “I admit that the reason I asked you here has to be put off until we resolve this, but that's the only thing that's changed.” It was hardly appropriate to give a Christmas present to a friend who had much bigger issues than that to deal with.

Scorpius listened to Mattieu, having trouble understanding from beginning to end what he was talking about. But hidden within it, he was sure, were exactly the words that someone had spoken to Mattieu. And the names of the people who were obviously bullying him. Since he knew their names so well, Scorpius assumed that this had not only happened once, but multiple times. He pushed back the thought of what other kids had been told by their parents about his own father... Those days were over with. People needed to move on. And besides, even if Scorpius went out of his way to help Mattieu, that wouldn't be bullying. That would be revenge.

He shook his head. “Please stop talking that way. You've only ever been a good friend, and I should have been there more often to protect you. I don't want you to talk that way about yourself anymore, whether you're repeating their words or thinking them for yourself. And I don't want you to talk that way about me, either. We're friends. And you know me well enough by now, I think, to know that if I didn't want to talk to you then I wouldn't have tried to do just that today. Just.... calm down. Nothing that they said is true.”

He knew the names now, and he dug in his mind for more meaning than that. Oh well, he'd have to ask around and find them, then, or he could ask Mattieu where they were. “Where did Harold and Louis go?”