IN the END~ i will live again! [GAWAIN/SHALIE]

[Lina Merlot]

IN THE END AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT
{o h w h o a o h}
( W H O W I L L T E L L T H E S T O R Y O F Y O U R L I F E)

t Lina had gotten up early to feed Sophie and couldn’t head back to sleep after she did so, it was five o’clock in the morning at the time. This was what happened every morning for them and it was something Lina had gotten quite used to by now. Sophie was nearly one month old, and it was nearly six months since Landon passed away, it was nearing that halfway mark very soon. Lina had decided to make a memory book for her family with pictures of Landon and her, her pregnancy and Sophie a year ago. That’s where she happened to be right this second with Sophie who was nestled very gently up against Lina’s chest. They had just finished with the shoot of moving pictures and were waiting for the photographer to finish with them.

The tall female looked down at her daughter with a soft face and smiled, ”Beautiful girl you did great” She murmured while bringing up a finger to stroke her cheek. Her daughter was barely a year old now after being born premature so long ago, something that was heartbreaking for her however Sophie was fine. The tiny baby girl recovered and was able to go home quickly. However Sophie was still very tiny for a year old baby girl.

When the small wizard photographer wobbled up to her with a stack of neat pictures she smiled, ”Thank you so much for this! You did an amazing job!” She spoke while taking the pictures from him. ”She’s beautiful, and so are you my dear. Come back anytime you need pictures and it will be my honor to photograph such a gorgeous duo.” When he spoke that Lina blushed and nodded quickly. ”Thank you again. I’ll definitely come back” She spoke and turned towards the exit, cuddling her daughter against her again.

When she stepped outside in the winter air she smiled and breathed in deeply, the air was crisp but not windy something that Lina loved. ”Okay baby girl, where to?” She questioned to Sophie with a chuckle as she turned down the cobble street. She figured the bars would be too crowded with people and a little bit dingy for having her daughter there so attempting to find some place just perfect for her was a little hard.

However as she passed by the heavily curtained tea shop of Madam Puddifoot she back stepped, looked down at Sophie and decided. ”So baby Sophie, this is Madam Puddifoots. I used to come here all the time with my friends” She giggled like she was in Hogwarts again, and as if she was meeting a date even though she knew she wasn’t. Sophie was her date everywhere especially when Oliver couldn’t babysit for her, much like today.

Lina stood there for a minute looking into the window of the shop and looked around as if she had been brought back to the past of just two years prior, when she had been sitting in the shop with a group of her friends.

”You know, now you just need to get bigger so that you can run around” She murmured to her as she bent her head down to kiss her forehead. Lina looked back up, took one more look into the Café and turned away to keep walking down the cobble stone.

The girl looked down at Sophie every few seconds as she was walking to make sure she wasn’t going to start crying but it seems all the walking seemed to agitate her, her little knit hat only covering her ears a bit. Sophie wasn’t a loud crier but she did cry occasionally and even though Lina was a new mother she was okay at it, not the best but okay. ”Oh Sophie…” She mumbled and lifted the girl up to rock her a bit, but the crying persisted as Lina stopped and stood off to the side.

”Shh, Shh baby girl”

BUT WITH EVERY SIN I STILL WANT TO BE HOLY
{i w i l l l i v e a g a i n, w h o w e a r e}
( I S N ' T H O W W E L I V E W E A R E M O R E T H A N O U R B O D I E S)

W O R D S! Six Forty Two T A G G E D! Gawain O U T F I T! lina! & sophie! & sophie pictires!
L Y R I C S In The End - Black Veil Brides N O T E S! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH T E M P L A T E! Danni from MISCHIEF MANAGED!

IF I FALL I SHALL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY
{i n t h e e n d a s y o u f a d e i n t o t h e n i g h t}
( O H W H O A O H)

[Gawain O'Clery]

Gawain had just finished selling a few things to a man that lived in the village. Two swords and a painting of the Hogwarts castle. He didn't know what the man intended on doing with them, but Gawain had realized something strange while working on the painting. Not only did he still have very clear memories of what had happened that day, but he was terrified of something like that happening again. As he had been painting, he had imagined the smoke rising and the dark shapes that had filled the grounds. His two older children were at Hogwarts now... There, where the wizarding world had made a stand against Voldemort for the last time.

He wished that he could go and see his children to make sure that everything was alright. But he was near enough to the castle now to know that nothing was amiss. It was just paranoia brought on by memories that refused to be buried. He supposed that it was understandable, though. He had lost his brother, and in a sense, he had lost his innocence and become the sometimes bitter man that he was today.

He decided to stick around Hogsmeade for a while and look for things that his children might need. New parchment and quills, and maybe some new clothes for the weekends. It wasn't every day that he made as much money as he had with this sale, and he wanted to celebrate. But as always he would not use any of the money for himself. Most of it would go toward buying the children things that they needed, and a small amount would be set aside for an emergency. He was always prepared for those because he knew without a doubt that Annie wouldn't be.

Before he had gotten into any stores, though, he heard the sound of a baby crying. Being a father with a two year old at home the sound filled him with anxiety and affection at the same time. 'It isn't my business,' he thought to himself , intending on ignoring the sound. But when he looked around to see where it was coming from, he simply couldn't. He let the door that he had started to push open fall back, and he made his way over to the young mother.

“That's a beautiful name for her,” Gawain said in a soft voice, to comfort both mother and daughter. She really did look like a Sophie. “It's alright, little Sophie, everything will be okay. How old is she?” He went from speaking in a soft, almost melodic voice to a quiet but serious one when spoke to Sophie and then Lina. She didn't look very old, but she was old enough to be a mother. She was also young enough to be a sister, or an aunt, he thought. It was not unheard of. So he didn't say anything that would refer to her as a mother right away to avoid offending her.

[Lina Merlot]

IN THE END AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT
{o h w h o a o h}
( W H O W I L L T E L L T H E S T O R Y O F Y O U R L I F E)

Sophie usually wasn't this fussy but it was probably the whole being under such bright lights for so long. Lina had done this just a few short months after Sophie had been born and she had done the same thing. Lina had just thought that it was because she was so young but maybe it was something else, maybe Sophie just really didn't like the lights.

The woman hoisted Sophie up higher and cradled her against her chest, lightly patting her back in soft taps. "Hush little baby, don't say a word, daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird..." She sang very softly to her while bouncing her gently. Generally when at home this quieted her down but it sometimes brought tears to her eyes while singing it. Landon wouldn't be buying Sophie anything physically. He did leave Lina a lot of money for Sophie, enough to keep them going for a long time without having to worry.

But it still broke her heart a little everytime she sang the song to Sophie because she truly did love it.

Right as Lina was finishing whispering the song to Sophie she heard footsteps next to her and a soft voice interupt her. Her eyes flickered to the person who walked up to her, it was a man, and he seemed to be pointedly focusing on her daughter. A tactic to flirt? Or just a concerned person?

Lina rubbed Sophie's back as she replied, "Thank you. She's a year old." She spoke softly looking down at Sophie the best she could as she now had her head nestled into her neck. "She's tiny. I know, many people think she's younger. She was born premature. But she's grown well the mediwitches have said." Lina nodded, answering the question that tended to be the first ones people asked when they heard her age.

Sophie was indeed a tiny mite but she wasn't unhealthy, she was just right for her size. She could do all the normal things most babies could besides maybe beginning to take steps, she was slow with that.

"I'm Lina, Lina Merlot." She murmured before reaching out her free hand to the man.

She was careful though while putting her hand out to him to hold Sophie tighter, she may see easy going but her training kept her alert. She wasn't yet a full auror but she would be soon and she knew how to handle herself if necessary. "What brings you to Hosgmeade?" She questioned, wondering exactly why he would be. She knew why she was and why many people were but he didn't look like a Hogs Head visitor nor a student visitor of the Three Broomsticks.

Sometimes she felt that her skepticism of people was rough even for her but it was just what she had been trained to do. It was nothing against any certain person.

However being a mother on top of trainging to be an auror made her even more skeptical of those around her so she could protect her daughter. It was just one of those motherly instincts that had come to her immediately when Sophie was born even stronger than it already was. She had always been protective of any children in her family, or her friends siblings. She had always had the motherhen gene which just made her all the better mother for her daughter.

She hoped that he didn't feel offended with the question she asked.

It was just who she was.

BUT WITH EVERY SIN I STILL WANT TO BE HOLY
{i w i l l l i v e a g a i n, w h o w e a r e}
( I S N ' T H O W W E L I V E W E A R E M O R E T H A N O U R B O D I E S)

W O R D S! Five Seventy Nine T A G G E D! Gawain O U T F I T! lina! & sophie! & sophie pictires!
L Y R I C S In The End - Black Veil Brides N O T E S! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH T E M P L A T E! Danni from MISCHIEF MANAGED!

IF I FALL I SHALL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY
{i n t h e e n d a s y o u f a d e i n t o t h e n i g h t}
( O H W H O A O H)

[Gawain O'Clery]

Gawain wasn't as surprised to hear that Sophie was a year old as many people might be. His only son had been born premature... He could still remember the worry, and the arguments that had come about from other things because this one thing was no one's fault, and there was no one to blame and no right answer as to why. It shouldn't have been something to argue about... He knew that. But Annie was stubborn, and in a case like that, he had to be gentle toward her as well since he knew that she was in pain. Cirdan had made it through, though honestly, he was still a little small for his age.

“I have a son that was born premature. He's at Hogwarts now, though... In the end, it doesn't make as much difference as it feels it will.” He wasn't sure that she'd had the same uncertainty that he did. Or, maybe she had double that since it was her first child. At least... he assumed that she was her first. The mother didn't look old enough to have many children.

Gawain smiled and gave her hand a shake. He may have been offended at the way that she held her baby closer if he was not both a father and a person wary of the world. “Gawain O'Clery. Nice to meet you, Lina, and Sophie, too. I'm sorry that I approached you out of nowhere like that. I couldn't help myself... I have a daughter who only recently turned two. I think it's an instinctive thing.” He smiled, hoping that mentioning the daughter wouldn't make Lina more nervous rather than less.

“I came here to drop off an order.” He didn't like to talk about himself that much, it felt rather like arrogance, but in this case he knew that he had to elaborate. It sounded worse if he didn't. “I paint sometimes, and I make swords. People are willing to pay for those once in a while, but they seem much less willing if they need to be the ones to pick it up. So I have made that a part of my 'business'. What about you? Are you just here for some shopping?”

[Lina Merlot]

IN THE END AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT
{o h w h o a o h}
( W H O W I L L T E L L T H E S T O R Y O F Y O U R L I F E)

So he was understanding of premature children, not many people were. When Lina found people who understood it then she reveled in it because they did know what she was going through. It had taken some extra time in trying to figure out how to make sure Sophie would be okay but she had managed it. Her mother would help her on occasion when things would go awry like Sophie crying so much Lina couldn't sleep. Though it was all part of being a new mother with no husband. She had to learn the ropes by herself with close to no help. It was tough.

"Oh, that's good to know that someone else knows the feeling. Not many people truly understand it. Sophie was... an interesting one." She spoke with a small smile as she looked down to Sophie who was nuzzling into her neck. "I love her though even through any problems that have arrose." She nodded, and it was true. Although sometimes it was hard with Sophie, Lina could never think of having a better child.

When Gawain finally shook her hand Lina smiled again and nodded, it was okay, she just wasn't used to it. "Nice to meet you as well Gawain. It's alright, its just something I've learned to become weary of. With children I'm sure you understand that." She spoke softly, when you had children you had to be more weary of strangers then ever before. "Although stereotypical, I'm also a woman. A bit more weary than a man sometimes." She chuckled, allowing her lips to curl into a sensitive smile.

When he brought up the reason he was here in Hogsmeade, his job, Lina was intrigued. It was quite the interesting job and it made her think. She had seen weapons and wondered possibly if Gawain had been the one to make them.

"That's actually very interesting. Swords are very beautiful pieces of art, at least the ones I've seen." She spoke gently, "As for me, I'm here for Sophie's photoshoot. I've been getting pictures of her since she was born. I'm making an album for her." She nodded while thinking about the pictures she'd collected.

"I'm off today from my work luckily. I'm an auror. Newly instated. My fiance was an auror as well before..." She was speaking fine until she caught on the last bit of what she was saying, her eyes flicked up to Gawains for a moment and then she dropped her gaze. She hadn't meant to speak about Landon so suddenly like that but it just came out. She should be okay by this time but it just wasn't and she was sure it wouldn't be for a while.

"Oh, um.. Before he passed away. Um, my fiance passed away a little over a year ago, four months before Sophie was born." She spoke gently as if treading on dangerous ground talking about him. The raid that he passed away in she was not allowed to know much about and what she did learn about she wasn't allowed to speak about to anyone outside of the Ministry.

"Sorry for being so depressing. It still sucks to talk about him. But, I guess I have to, to get over him. I'm only twenty so I still have a full life ahead of me with Sophie." She murmured, "Instead of standing out here in the middle of the walkway do you want to... um, go get something to drink? I hear the three broomsticks is pretty quiet when the kids aren't coming to Hogsmeade for the weekend." She chuckled, knowing full well how quiet it could be on weekends they weren't out.

She remembered the times she had been so excited to get out and have fun not in the castle.

BUT WITH EVERY SIN I STILL WANT TO BE HOLY
{i w i l l l i v e a g a i n, w h o w e a r e}
( I S N ' T H O W W E L I V E W E A R E M O R E T H A N O U R B O D I E S)

W O R D S! Six Nineteen T A G G E D! Gawain O U T F I T! lina! & sophie! & sophie pictires!
L Y R I C S In The End - Black Veil Brides N O T E S! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH T E M P L A T E! Danni from MISCHIEF MANAGED!

IF I FALL I SHALL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY
{i n t h e e n d a s y o u f a d e i n t o t h e n i g h t}
( O H W H O A O H)

[Gawain O'Clery]

Gawain shook his head with a smile, one that was slightly bitter with the memories. “I think that the struggle only makes you love them more. Knowing that you could have lost them reminds you all the time how lucky you are to have them.” It sounded all so generic, but Gawain meant his words. He never played favorites with his children but Cirdan had been the only boy. He couldn't imagine if something had happened to him.

He knew what she meant all too well. Annie was somewhat protective of the children but Gawain was even more so. He hesitated in saying that since Lina had said women were more wary than men, but he decided he might as well just go with it. “I know what you mean. Wait until Sophie has to go to school. Saying goodbye and knowing that you won't see her for the better part of a year is hard to do. Especially once you remember what it was like in school when you were just starting out.” He didn't know if she'd had that lost feeling, but Gawain and most people he knew had. Maybe Lina was more adaptable to change.

“Yes. I've always found swords to be elegant, in spite of what they can do the others if put into use. Somewhat like wands...” He knew some people would hate the comparison since wands could do so much more, but he didn't care. A killing weapon in the hand of a killer, it was all the same. “You are making an album of her? That's interesting. How often do you go and take pictures with her?” he asked. It was a good way to mark the milestones in her growth, and just to not have a shortage of pictures when Sophie got older. You know, in case her mother decided that it would be a good idea to embarrass her with them in front of future boyfriends

He frowned a bit at her wording. Was an auror. And he immediately understood what she meant. Something had happened to him, and whatever it was, maybe that was part of why she was so hesitant about letting people around her daughter. Protective parents were one thing, but protective single parents seemed to infinitely worse.

He didn't know what to say at first. It was hard to offer comfort to someone that you knew well over something that just happened. It was a lot more difficult to try to do that for someone you had just met who had been dealing with the pain for more than a year. “I'm sorry to hear that. But at least you can take care of yourself and Sophie, too, from what I've seen.” That was small consolation. Of course she could take care of herself, but she'd want the man that she loved to be there with her.

She suggested that they go to the Three Broomsticks. He knew for himself how loud it was when they were out, and he was relieved that this wasn't one of those weekends. “Sure, why not? I'm done with work for the day I think.” He smiled at her, then turned toward the Three Broomsticks. He was starting to go here more often... Which was a good thing, as long as he didn't get carried away. He'd never let himself get carried away. He headed into the shop once he was sure that Lina was following.

“So you said that you are an auror... Is that difficult work to do, being a single mother? I mean, do you have to leave home often, or are you able to stay with Sophie for the most part?”

[Lina Merlot]

IN THE END AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT
{o h w h o a o h}
( W H O W I L L T E L L T H E S T O R Y O F Y O U R L I F E)

"I have to agree. When I thought I was going to lose her I was in hysterics. Especially... after Landon." She spoke softly, her hand absently rubbing her daughters back. It was something she just did without thinking about it because it soothed her, and even though she was being quiet it was only a matter of time before she began to get fussy. She didn't yet get the chance to feed her again during the photoshoot.

When Gawain brought up Sophie going to Hogwarts Lina nodded slightly, a short nod. "I don't even want to think about it. I don't want her to go away but I know I will have to watch her get on that train one day. My parents had another kid before me so they knew how it would be, she's my first so... it'll be sad." She murmured softly. "Do you have just the two children? A daughter and son? What's her name?" She questioned, she already knew his sons name but not his daughters.

The thought about how old he might be also popped into his head especially if he had a son in Hogwarts. She didn't know what year he was either but Gawain couldn't be older than--maybe-- thirty or so. He looked young but not as young as her, and he didn't act like it either.

However many people tended to misjudge her age as well because of Sophie. Many people pointed to the age of twenty-five, sometimes twenty-four.

"I can see that. A few people I know have swords on their walls and mantels in their homes much like heirloom wands. I think almost anything can be used as a weapon in all honesty. From what I've learned it's all dangerous in certain situations. Never underestimate anything." She spoke gently as if speaking to an intern or in-training like she had been once. Each auror who trained her had a different demeanor but the few she liked had very soft ones who tried to make her understand through explanations.

How many times had she already taken Sophie to photoshoots? A great question indeed. "Twice a month, just enough to follow her growth. Enough to fill the albums that I have for her until she's two. As she gets older now we're going to go less, once a month until she's two. Then once every two or so months. She likes it because the photographer plays with her." She spoke with a light giggle. Even though Sophie liked it a lot so did Lina because it was fun to watch Sophie have fun like that.

Then it was the whole conversation about Landon, which she had brought up before. She nodded when he apologized to her, most people didn't know what to say, so she would take it always. "Thank you. I can't say it's alright but, it's life, and I need to continue for Sophie. I need to make sure that Sophie lives a full life even with just a mommy. And thank you again. I've tried my best. Of course with my parents help." She spoke with a small smile as she tilted her eyes to look at Sophie who she could feel playing with her hair.

When he agreed to go to the three broomsticks with her after their talk she smiled again and nodded, following him to the three broomsticks. "Um, well. It is very difficult especially because I do live on my own. I'm away quite a bit but never through the night. The Ministry knows I have a young child who was the child of another auror who died. They have given me a fair amount of leeway until Sophie is old enough to... not be fed by me day by day." She murmured to him, slightly blushing, hopefully he would understand what she meant without having to explain it.

In an almost escape Lina stepped in front of him and slipped through the door to the three broomsticks. She didn't exactly want to see another man notice her blush, it was pretty embarrassing.

Lina found a table off to the side and allowed her bag to drop to one of the chairs next to hers. "I get a bit of babysitting from Oliver, my twin, and my parents. They understand it. How about you? Do you get to be home often Gawain?" She questioned, still keeping her face down from him as she slipped into the chair.

She gently pulled Sophie away from her shoulder and placed her on her lap facing out. The little child giggled and cooed at the sudden movement. She looked at Gawain with sparkling blue eyes and smiled. "Sophie darling, this is Gawain. Say hi." She chuckled, her smiling widening as she waved her hand and Sophie followed.

BUT WITH EVERY SIN I STILL WANT TO BE HOLY
{i w i l l l i v e a g a i n, w h o w e a r e}
( I S N ' T H O W W E L I V E W E A R E M O R E T H A N O U R B O D I E S)

W O R D S! Seven Eighty T A G G E D! Gawain O U T F I T! lina! & sophie! & sophie pictires!
L Y R I C S In The End - Black Veil Brides N O T E S! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH T E M P L A T E! Danni from MISCHIEF MANAGED!

IF I FALL I SHALL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY
{i n t h e e n d a s y o u f a d e i n t o t h e n i g h t}
( O H W H O A O H)

[Gawain O'Clery]

Gawain was lost on what to say for a moment. He couldn't imagine the pain of losing a loved one, and then having to care for a baby who was likely to be less healthy than the average baby. That weakness went away with time and seemed to make them stronger, but... He wanted to ask Lina what exactly had happened. But he didn't want to make her relive any pain that she must have felt in that time. Not unless she chose to talk about it. Knowing that he was gone was reason enough for Gawain to keep his silence.

“At least you know that Hogwarts will be safe for her,” Gawain reassured with a smile. Though he always thought back on the years that he was in school, and the attack by the Death Eaters. It was hard to let that go, but it was a spectacularly bad experience and not one that he needed to worry about his children having. By the look of Lina, she was young enough that she didn't have to go through that. “No, I have four children,” he said with a small laugh. “Cirdan is my only son. But my daughters' names are Idril, Olwen, and Alannah. Alannah is my two year old.” He thought that was worth mentioning since it was the reason his parental instinct kicked in when he heard Sophie's cries.

“Weapons are only weapons when someone wields them to that purpose,” Gawain said with a smile, the tone indicating that he had said this on many occasions before, or at least heard it before. “You must have seen a lot of strange things, even if you haven't been an auror for long. I always thought that it seemed a most interesting career choice. Have you come across many wizards with swords?” Even though it almost sounded like mockery, it was a sincere question. Most witches and wizards were opposed to using muggle weaponry, but he wanted to see how likely it was his swords would be used to hurt someone else. That fatherly paranoia again.

Gawain smiled. It was an interesting idea... Why hadn't he thought of getting his childrens' pictures? Annie probably took pictures more often than he did. But they wouldn't be professional shots by any means. “I hope that she keeps that attitude as she gets older,” he said with a smirk on his face. “When she gets to the rebellious stage, she might not be so cooperative. Who knows, though? She seems to be an unusually calm baby.” Even if she was fussy when Gawain noticed the pair... Maybe Gawain just forgot how quiet they could be at one year old. Time went by so quickly and so slowly all at once.

He could only feel admiration for her at the moment. She was a great mother, he could tell that from her words and from the way that she looked at Sophie. It was a shame that Sophie wasn't going to have her father's influence, but Gawain wasn't even sure if that would matter. “I know that it seems like a terrible thing to say right now, but... Maybe one day you'll find someone else. When the time is right.” He was trying to be reassuring but it was clear from his expression that he wasn't sure he was saying the right thing. Maybe she didn't want to move on. And she shouldn't have to, if she didn't.

While other people might have been embarrassed by Lina's 'feeding' remark, Gawain was mostly just amused at her embarrassment. Being a husband and father, he was not particularly blind to these things. But he didn't comment on it anyway, since that wasn't exactly a charming conversation for him to start. He followed her into the tavern and looked around. As usual, there were a few people who looked shady, but that was nothing compared to the Hogs Head.

He waited until Lina sat to take his place at the table, then looked up at her. “Me? Yes, I'm home quite a bit, I suppose... But when I am, usually I'm working. I try to be with my daughters during the day and work at night, but that doesn't leave a lot of time for sleeping.” He knew that he was lucky even to be able to work from home, but he hated when he needed to work and couldn't spend time with them. “It's alright, though. I have a feeling that they like their babysitters more than they like me.”

The transition from Gawain's normally masculine voice to the soft and higher voice was somewhat comical as he addressed the baby. “Hey Sophie! Feeling better, sweet girl?” he asked her, waving in return. “I wonder if she could do with some hot chocolate. Is she drinking things like that yet? Or maybe she'd rather have some ice cream.” He knew that some parents didn't want their children to have sweet things like that, but he doubted that Sophie had teeth enough to be damaged from it. Then again... It was Lina who would have to deal with a sugared up baby, so Gawain only brought it up.

[Lina Merlot]

IN THE END AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT
{o h w h o a o h}
( W H O W I L L T E L L T H E S T O R Y O F Y O U R L I F E)

It was almost mind settling that Gawain didn't ask why or how Landon died because that was generally the first thing people asked. She would answer simply, that she couldn't speak about it because it was a ministry matter, she couldn't say anything else. She could allow the basics to slip from her lips, that he died, and that he was an auror. What people wanted to take from that they could and she couldn't deny or accept anything else they had to say about it. She just had to continue saying she couldn't talk about it, and, when it had just happened that helped a lot. She didn't want to speak about it and so it was a great excuse to not do it. She had no qualms about telling people she couldn't talk about it as it almost made her feel better.

When Gawin mentioned Hogwarts being safe Lina nodded, a small smile slipping onto her lips. "Yes, Hogwarts will be very safe and I won't need to worry about coming home everyday wondering if something had happened. They'd be able to message me as soon as possible if something did." She murmured, her eyes finding the back of Sophie's head before pressing a kiss to it. "To think she'll be gone in ten years is a little bit intimidating even though it's ten years away. Gosh, she'll love it when she goes and I'll hate it. How the tides have turned." She chuckled.

It was the truth though, she'd probably feel like her mother had when her baby had gone off to Hogwarts. Though, she wondered, if she could ever feel like her mother did after her sibling died. She didn't know and she hoped that she would never have to go through the death of a child. It was bad enough she'd been through her fiances death and now without him, without anyone she couldn't handle it.

Lina blinked her eyes when he named four children, she hadn't expected it, she hadn't expected him to have more than one. "Four? Oh my, how many have gone to Hogwarts? Just Cirdan?" She questioned, still surprised he had so many children. She then sucked her lip into her mouth to chew it, she was being too nosy. "I'm sorry--" She blurted, "I don't mean to be so nosy. I just didn't expect you to have... four children. And I haven't been around many younger parents... mostly older aurors with adult children." She murmured, looking away from him for a moment to recollect her thoughts.

She did tend to get excited when she spoke to people with children but it wasn't a common thing where she worked.

To get the subject off her being nosy she spoke about Alannah for a moment, "Maybe a playdate of some sort for them would be nice? I would like to place Sophie is situations with other children. I don't want her to end up antisocial" She chuckled, bouncing Sophie on her knee gently. Right now she definitely wasn't antisocial and enjoyed all interaction with others but in the future that might change and she didn't want it to.

"That's very true, anything can indeed be used as a weapon. Swords are just one of the many sharp things we find in places they shouldn't be." She murmured, thinking to the moments she had found witches and wizards with charmed swords. It's not an amusing sight when you have swords floating after you when you try to apprehend someone. "Actually yes. That's where my specialty lies within the ministry. I work with apprehending witches and wizards with charmed weapons being used against others. I've had charmed sharp objects thrown at me and spelled to follow me when I enter the premesis. Quite interesting when it's coming at your face." She spoke with her lips curling into a laughing smile. She found that certain moments she had been through in her line of work amusing and hoped others did too.

Her eyes found Sophie again who was banging the table with her hands where she could reach it. She chuckled and reached into the diaper bag at her side to take out a white elephant. Sophie let out a squeal of delight as Lina pressed the elephant into her arms, she grabbed at it with a smile. "Well there you go sweetheart. I knew you'd miss Jeffery." She spoke before looking back up at Gawain to respond. "I hope she doesn't either, she seems to have a very friendly demeanor but that can always change when they get older. I'm not looking forward to the terrible twos, I've heart a bit about them." She murmured while nodding. The terrible twos are something that she defintely wasn't looking forward to in the future with Sophie.

Finding someone else was Gawains next attempt at conversation and Lina let out a small breath with another nod. "I suppose so. I would like to meet someone else, I know Landon would have of agreed with that. He wouldn't want me to be alone. And to be honest, neither do I. I feel ready enough to move on but I just haven't found anyone who quite likes a girl with a child." She spoke gently, reaching her hand up to re-adjust Sophie's little pink headband. It was like she didn't even notice because she was playing with her elephant.

"It's good you get to be home. I wish that I could be every single day but then I wouldn't be able to work for Sophie's future and that wouldn't be good. So I give up some of the time of being with her to make a future for us." Lina couldn't have of said anything else that would make her parents more proud. She worked minimal enough now to make what she could even with the money she had for Sophie, she still wanted to be a great mom.

Lina couldn't help but smile even more when Gawain spoke directly to Sophie, she loved when people didn't just ignore her. Sophie seemed to agree with this and look up from Jeffery at Gawain, then she reached up with him. She reached her little arm as far as it would go to hand Jeffery to Gawain, it didn't even make it a few inches from her though. "She doesn't like to share Jeffery that much... now look at that." She chuckled, hoping Gawain would entertain Sophie's sharing.

"And about the hot chocolate and ice cream... I try not to give her sweets yet, I don't want her to like them too much. I have some natural snacks like dried veggies and fruit." She murmured before reaching back into the bag for a little animal container. She placed it on the table and it clicked open itself. "On the other hand, I do like hot chocolate but I don't want her to feel jealous so I usually get milk." She chuckled, she didn't want her daughter to get upset she wasn't allowed to have something so she often didn't eat something because of that.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm being a good mom by not allowing her sweets yet... So many parents do give it to them to quiet them down, I don't want to become dependant on it." She murmured.

BUT WITH EVERY SIN I STILL WANT TO BE HOLY
{i w i l l l i v e a g a i n, w h o w e a r e}
( I S N ' T H O W W E L I V E W E A R E M O R E T H A N O U R B O D I E S)

W O R D S! One Thousand One Hundred Ninety T A G G E D! Gawain O U T F I T! lina! & sophie! & sophie pictires!
L Y R I C S In The End - Black Veil Brides N O T E S! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH T E M P L A T E! Danni from MISCHIEF MANAGED!

IF I FALL I SHALL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY
{i n t h e e n d a s y o u f a d e i n t o t h e n i g h t}
( O H W H O A O H)

[Gawain O'Clery]

“I'll warn you now, that things will seem too quiet. And for a while after she is off at school, you'll wake up in the morning and feel as though there's something that you need to do that day, or stop in the middle of the afternoon and wonder if you've forgotten something. There's a natural flow to the day when you have a child at home. But it's turned around when they aren't there anymore, and it feels like you're missing something. All the time.” Gawain shook his head. It was almost more jarring to have them back over the summer, because by then he'd be used to being on his own. It wasn't so hard to almost forget what it is to be a parent until they were brought back into your life. Almost another year older, at that.

Gawain laughed a little bit. “It's alright, don't worry. A lot of people are surprised that I have four of them... I married right out of school, and my wife was pregnant while we were still students. My oldest daughter goes to Hogwarts as well. The other two still have quite a long time before they have to go.” Have to go... as if they weren't already anxious to join their siblings. He smiled a little bit. “But Alannah and Sophie will be going to school together, I think. Although Alannah will be a year ahead of her... To be honest, I don't meet a lot of parents either. Not even when I go door to door... That, or all the children are at Hogwarts during the year.”

He looked pleasantly surprised when Lina suggested that the girls have a playdate. Knowing that they were going to go to school together anyway, he couldn't see that it was anything but a great idea. “That would be good! Then they would know each other before school starts.” He paused, realizing that he was getting way ahead of himself. There was no reason to assume that the girls would still know each other when they were older, and definitely no reason to think they might remember when they played as children. He laughed. “Or at least, they'll have the skills to make friends in school when the time comes. When would be a good time to get them together? For you, I mean. You have more of a set schedule than I do.”

Gawain couldn't help but be a little impressed, and interested. It wasn't everyday that you met someone that actually specialized in dealing with charmed weapons. “I imagine that gives you a different view on swords than most people have. But at least you wouldn't be so afraid of them, I would think. A lot of witches and wizards honestly don't know how to handle them. Which makes them more dangerous than I even thought,” he said with a little bit of a frown. Maybe it was time that he started to create something new. As much as he loved swords he already knew that they were dangerous, and he didn't realize that there were so many people who might be using them the wrong way. If only there was a way to know that his swords weren't the ones that were being used in that way... But he didn't know how to tell. Maybe there wasn't a way to. He decided right then and there that he would start considering alternatives to swords to sell with the paintings.

He watched as Lina produced a stuffed animal of some sort for Sophie, and that reminded him that he needed to find something nice for Alannah before he left Hogsmeade. He looked up, then decided that Lina needed a little reassuring, even if it was his fault that she was worrying in the first place. “Every child is different. Some of mine were little tyrants when they were two, but Alannah has been pretty good. If she was like my daughter Idril was when she was two, I wouldn't feel so comfortable with a playdate,” he admitted, remembering the way that his always strong firstborn had assaulted other children at the park that he had taken her to. Dealing with the other parents wasn't that big of a deal to Gawain. Having to deal with the childrens' screams and knowing that Idril was the one responsible (for hair pulling, mostly) was a lot more difficult. He nearly cringed at the memory. Alannah would be fine. Especially since she adored babies that were smaller than she was.

Gawain was still wondering if that was something that he should have said. Considering that he had been divorced for two years and had more children than did Lina, he probably should have moved on before telling someone else to do the same. Someone who was not divorced but had actually lost her love, too. But she didn't seem to be all that offended by it. “That's a good point. A lot of men don't want to have the responsibility of taking care of a child that isn't theirs. And a lot of them, the only reason they'll take care of their own is because they have to.” He paused, realizing how unforgiving he was being to his own gender. And worse, the way that it made him sound. “But there are good men, too, who try to do their best. You'll find someone who is worth you one day. And until that happens, you're better off on your own anyway.” He gave her an encouraging smile. It was alright not to have moved on. He knew already that she would do the best that she could for her child.

He thought that her plans for the future were smart. She couldn't always be there for Sophie now, but it was more important that one day she'd be able to provide everything that she would need for school and all the little things that came along the way. “I admire you for that, Ms. Merlot. Many people who have children early don't think about the future... Only the present that they're losing. Sophie is lucky to have a mother like you.” He gave her a gentle smile, still somewhat surprised that he had met someone like her today.

“Oh, thank you!” Gawain said in his same somewhat silly voice, taking Jeffrey from Sophie but still holding him close enough to the baby that she wouldn't get distressed. He was rather pleased that she would take to him. He knew how possessive children were of their 'friends' and what it meant to share them. “He's a handsome little thing. My daughter has an orange and green snake that she carries around with her,” he said with a laugh. What odd little girls that they didn't prefer teddy bears and dolls. Annie had worried for some stupid reason that Alannah might be a Slytherin just because of her choice in toys. As if that had anything to do with it, or it even mattered if she was a Slytherin... He touched the elephant to Sophie's face, to be playful and to offer him back to her if he had kept him for too long.

Although he didn't say so, Gawain wondered if not giving Sophie sweets would just make her want for them more as she got older. Most of the super hyperactive children he'd met in school were the ones who had never had sugar at home and were suddenly given sweet things at Hogwarts. “Well, it is up to you. And no one should influence your decision. I shouldn't have just asked that... But, well, at least she can't understand those words yet, right?”

[Lina Merlot]

IN THE END AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT
{o h w h o a o h}
( W H O W I L L T E L L T H E S T O R Y O F Y O U R L I F E)

The thought about leaving Sophie alone at Hogwarts was scary even though she knew it had to happen. She was one of several to go away to Hogwarts so her parents must have of felt the same with her oldest brother. However they also had each other more and she had no one, Landon wasn't there anymore. He wouldn't be there to hold her hand when Sophie was getting on the train and he wasn't there to send her letters through the post. There would be no one but her and her family which wasn't exactly the same as having a loving husband there. "That sounds kind of scary actually. My parents had several children at home when they sent my older brother to Hogwarts so they had a few more of us to make noise." She spoke with a little nod.

"Though, when my twin passed away they could feel the quiet then. I thnk we all could. It was weird not having someone else there. Especially with me because I lost my twin and we were really close." She murmured and put her hand through Sophie's hair softly as she played with Gawain. Her little coos and giggles made Lina's smile quirk on the side as her eyes tilted down to her. "I don't want Sophie to ever have to go through that." She spoke before looking back up at he man across the table from her.

When he spoke about people thinking that often she nodded her head, it was easy to see that, he didn't look like someone who would have so many children. "I guess that happens often? It does for me too, I get a lot of people thinking I'm still in Hogwarts. I mean, I'm right out of Hogwarts pretty much. But when people ask me if I'm a fifth or sixth year with a child I kind of... wonder what's going through their heads. Do I look that young?" She questioned, not meaning it in a trick question either, she was sincere with the question. She wondered why people thought she looked so young, it was a good thing, but sometimes the ages they guessed were too young.

Having Sophie around other children would definitely be a good idea because Sophie would learn to work well with others who weren't her family. She knew how to act with others that she was related to but she didn't know how to act with people she didn't know. "I hope they do get along so that Sophie will have a friend going into Hogwarts, and I think it'll settle my mind a little to know someone else." She chuckled, "I won't feel so alone dropping her off for the train now."

[/color] She had seen people come alone many times but the first time they usually had someone.

Her schedule? It definitely was a bit hectic at times but she, for the most part, knew when she was going to have off. Lina shifted Sophie who was now happily pulling her snacks out of the container and eating them. "Um, well I believe I have next Wednsday off the whole day. The next couple of days I have early mornings or late nights on shift." She murmured, "Is that okay for you?" She questioned softly, hopefully his schedule was free enough for that.

Then the whole idea about the swords which was something she didn't often have common with most people. Most people saw swords and thought they were pretty, for show, or for use. They didn't think about how dangerous they could be when spells were put on them to be used against people. Having swords come at your head when you enter some wizards house wasn't exactly the most fun thing in the world. "When I first started I was a bit more terrified of them because it honestly a bit scary when you have a sword coming to slice you in half when you enter someones house. But now I'm not as afraid because I'm more prepared than I was back then. It's definitely interesting to be the victim of something like that, I have some scars but not too many." She spoke with a short nod.

The conversations that these two were having were making her a lot more comfortable with going out again. Gawain wasn't like all the others she'd met and were stand offish. He had children and so he understood how it was, he knew what to say it seemed to make her feel more comfortable. He certainly wasn't looking at her with judgement in his eyes for having a child. "Yeah, they look at you so judgementally, like you're below them. It kind of sucks sometimes but I've learned a bit more over the past few months to look the other way, ignore it... sometimes it's just hard." She spoke gently, treading lightly with her words because it still brought a little pain to her to think about. What came out of her mouth next though made her want to crawl underneath the table. "... Like you?" She murmured, her cheeks tinging a dark shade of pink.

She looked down at the top of Sophie's head as she played with her Elephant and Gawain, with a light sigh. She didn't know exactly what to say at this moment either especially because of what she had just said. She didn't normally flirt so this was something pretty fairly new to her especially because she had been with Landon for so long.

"Ahh, sorry..." She mumbled. "Having fun Sophie?" She spole softly, bringing her free hand through her hair again.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]
BUT WITH EVERY SIN I STILL WANT TO BE HOLY
{i w i l l l i v e a g a i n, w h o w e a r e}
( I S N ' T H O W W E L I V E W E A R E M O R E T H A N O U R B O D I E S)[/center]

W O R D S! Nine Forty T A G G E D! Gawain O U T F I T! lina! & sophie! & sophie pictires!
L Y R I C S In The End - Black Veil Brides N O T E S! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH T E M P L A T E! Danni from MISCHIEF MANAGED!

IF I FALL I SHALL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY
{i n t h e e n d a s y o u f a d e i n t o t h e n i g h t}
( O H W H O A O H)

[Gawain O'Clery]

Gawain smiled at her. He hadn't thought about what that part would be like, since Lina was an only mother. He had just been referring to losing two of his children during the school year, where he would have more still at home who needed him. But there was still a long time before Sophie had to go off to school. Maybe by then, Lina would have more than one child. “That does help, but it doesn't make the feeling go away completely. Each of my children has their own 'noises', and you'll always notice when one goes away.” He laughed, thinking about that. There was more laughter when Idril was there, because she was something of a prankster from time to time. At least, she had been when her parents were still together. Now, he had no idea.

He looked at her with concern. He knew how it felt to lose someone close, though he didn't know how old she was when she lost her twin. Gawain's brother had been an adult when he died, though still in school. “I was close to my brother as well... He died during the battle of Hogwarts.” Generally when he mentioned this, especially to the younger generation, he was greeted with an awkward silence. They didn't know what to say to that. He normally didn't talk about it for that reason. But he thought that it would possibly be comforting to her to know that someone else had gone through something similar. Damien hadn't been Gawain's twin, so there was a difference, but still. Death in a family marked someone forever. “Do you mean to say that you aren't ever going to try to have any more children?”

Gawain looked surprised that people would think that she was that young. He thought about her question, though, trying to see it from other points of view. “Hmm, I don't know. You do look young, but... now that I've really looked at you, I don't think that you do.” He sighed because that seemed rather bad. “What I mean is, it's different once you look into your eyes. Everything that you've been through is there... And while there are people who are younger than you might have had worse things happen, it does make you look older.” He wondered if that made sense. There wasn't any other way that he could think of to word it...

“Yeah! Me too. I'll be there for many years to come,” Gawain said with a smile. “But it is always nice to come to the station when you haven't been back in a long time. It feels... like going home. Does Hogwarts still feel that way to you?” He still remembered the way that the school had been something of a shelter to him when he didn't have anywhere else to turn. In that way, he was sure that his children would enjoy living there during most of the year. No matter what happened. And he didn't expect that much would happen. It wasn't as dangerous as it used to be... He suddenly wondered if he should have mentioned his brother's death to Lina. It might worry her, but maybe not. She'd been at Hogwarts more recently than Gawain.

He thought through his schedule for a moment, frowning. He did have someone that needed him to drop off a painting, but that wouldn't take a lot of time. Especially if he used apparation. “Wednesday sounds great to me, if you're sure about that. Maybe... How would I get into contact with you if something goes wrong?” He didn't think that it would, but it was worth asking. Did she accept owls delivering things? Or maybe she had a phone. Not many in the wizarding world seemed to, despite the convenience. Gawain actually preferred it. It was easier to get through small details quickly when they were able to speak. He looked startled when she said that she had scars. “I suppose that makes sense... One would think that it would be easy to stop something like that, but not if it comes at you quickly enough. It's... interesting to hear that insight.” Though she did make him a bit more nervous about being the craftsman of some of those weapons.

“A lot of people see things the way that they want to see them, and don't look any deeper.” It was not just men, it was everyone. Back then, he had Annie with him to deal with the judgment. Lina didn't even have that. He decided that he could at the least be a pillar of support for her. They were in the same situation, even though he was quite ahead of her in it. He looked a bit surprised at what she said next. He didn't know how to answer without making it seem as though he was flattering himself. “I... do what I can.” He honestly didn't know what else to say after that, but then he realized that it might be a good time to offer his support. Though of course, part of him wanted to jump into asking her out on a date. It wasn't as though he met many women who understood parenthood, and that gave them a lot in common already. That, and both of them would understand a busy schedule. But it was only the first time that they met. He didn't want to seem like a creep. “I wouldn't mind being around you more, though, Ms. Merlot. We can deal with the comments together, if you'd like.” Wait... that sounded more forward than he'd intended. He decided to stand by the comment and see what she said. He smiled at her, noting that she seemed a bit more awkward now. Maybe she had meant something by what she said, but he couldn't know for sure. He found himself hoping.

[Lina Merlot]

IN THE END AS YOU FADE INTO THE NIGHT
{o h w h o a o h}
( W H O W I L L T E L L T H E S T O R Y O F Y O U R L I F E)

She understood what he meant by the sounds being different for each person. Every one did hae their own different quirks that were easily seen. Lina knew one of her quirks was her laugh, she was always laughing and it made her happy when others did too. Her parents had said that they missed her laugh when she finally moved into her apartment to begin her life with Sophie. They missed the laughs and the coos that the two would make right when she brought her home. "I guess that's true when you think about it. My parents said they missed my laugh when I finally moved away from them. I also think I kind of miss what they do in the morning, no homemade food from my dad... it is definitely a bit odd when I think about it." She spoke softly, nodding her head.

The death of her brother had definitely been noticed by her more than the quiet of anything else. He wasn't just her sibling but her twin, and they had been inseperable, it was just one of those things that hurt more than anything. So when Gawain mentioned the death of his own brother Lina felt like there was now someone else who shared her pain. His death had happened when she was very young, barely one, but still... during a war or not it was still horrible. "I'm sorry Gawain. It's really hard to think about isn't it? After all these years? It's been a good decade since my brother passed away. But it still feels like it takes my breath away to talk about it." She murmured.

Sophie was beginning to lean slightly towards her, like she was trying to lean against her so Lina turned her around gently. She placed her on her shoulder and patted her back softly, "Sleepy Sophie?" She whispered with a slight chuckle, the baby wiggled slightly as she nuzzled her face into her neck. Lina smiled and looked back to Gawain to reply to his newest question. Of course she would want more kids she just didn't want Sophie to go through what she had. She also didn't want to have more kids until she was married to someone. "Well, no, not exactly. I just don't want her to have to go through that, I just hope she doesn't. I also really don't want to think about having more children until I'm married... hopefully that will happen. But until then... Sophie is my one and only." She spoke genly with a slight nod.

Her age was another factor in some of that... she didn't want to seem like some young person who couldn't keep their legs closed. She could certainly well do that but Sophie had happened and she was all she needed. She loved her with every ounce of her soul but she didn't need to have another child so young to prove that she could be a good mother at her age. When Gawain agreed but disagreed at the same time about her age Lina nodded, she could understand what he meant about her eyes. When things happened in life your eyes truly showed what happened in your life. "I understand. You look young for your age but also a bit aged, like you've been through trials and back. But, that doesn't, persay, make you look old. Just knowledgable" She spoke as she rubbed circles on Sophie's back.

"I... kind of look forward to that feeling of going to that train station to drop her off but at the same time I dread it. I think I'm just looking forward to the feeling of... being on the platform and seeing someone else off in which case that's my child. My siblings are different you know?" Seeing her siblings off to Hogwarts was definitely a good feeling because she knew how much love they ahd for the school but... it would be different to see her child off to Hogwarts which was the place she had once called home and still did to this day. When Gawain asked that question Lina nodded with a smile curling up on her lips even wider, "I definitely do. Hogwarts was... the best time of my life. Every time I think about it, and even see it, I long to go back. It's... just this feeling I have deep down inside of me." She murmured, "I could actually go right now, as you know, it's the Triwizard this year. But, with Sophie, I decided to not take the position of being an Auror on the grounds.".

She wished she had been able to take that long position but she couldn't with Sophie with her. She could potentially go towards the end when more detail was needed and she probably would but that would not be for quite sometime. "I'm debating taking a position towards the end when more of us are needed." She spoke gently, with a nod. It was a great thing to be an auror for the Triwizard but being with her daughter was even greater.

"Wednesday will be perfect. You can definitely contact me by owl post. I actually live right around the corner from here." She spoke, her flat was a little bit furthur into the village. "My parents had a summer flat here and they gave it to me when I had Sophie. It's not in any place busy and I'm surrounded by other witches and wizards... it's pretty perfect." She murmured. She liked that it wasn't too loud here except for when the students came. She had amazing views of the area and she never needed to truly worry about much crime. It was so close in proximity to Hogwarts that there were always other aurors roaming. "You can almost always tell when the weapons are charmed though, they have this... oddness about them, like you're seeing them but at the same time you aren't... it's like a... shimmer." She spoke, trying to get the right words to describe how to tell.

It was a bit hard for people who weren't trained enough to see things like that.

Then this whole conversation seemed to be the most awkward she had, had in quite awhile. It was something Lina had never before imagined would happen again in quite some time. Having someone so blatantly flirt with her and like it... no, not something she had been expecting.

"Ignorance is bliss for them I guess." She spoke very softly, almost in a whisper. Her cheeks were beginning to warm again as he continued to say what he had on his mind. Her breath hitched when he mentioned that he would like to be around her more and take the comments. What?

Had he really just said that? That was nothing she had ever expected to happen.

She looked at him from where she was, her gaze was shy but soft. "I-I..." She murmured, stuttering. "I... w-would like that. Oh man... I'm sorry Gawain. I-I just never expected that-this." She reached her free hand to her face to cup her cheek and let out a giggle. "Oh, I feel like such a child right now. I'm a mother and I'm sitting her practically swooning... I hope you don't much mind that. I wouldn't want to scare you away." She bit her lip and look down shyly.

This was beyond her imagination.

BUT WITH EVERY SIN I STILL WANT TO BE HOLY
{i w i l l l i v e a g a i n, w h o w e a r e}
( I S N ' T H O W W E L I V E W E A R E M O R E T H A N O U R B O D I E S)

W O R D S! One Thousand Two Hundred Twenty Two T A G G E D! Gawain O U T F I T! lina! & sophie! & sophie pictires!
L Y R I C S In The End - Black Veil Brides N O T E S! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH T E M P L A T E! Danni from MISCHIEF MANAGED!

IF I FALL I SHALL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY
{i n t h e e n d a s y o u f a d e i n t o t h e n i g h t}
( O H W H O A O H)

[Gawain O'Clery]

Gawain wondered what that would be like, to have parents that really noticed when you were gone. Well, his father probably noticed when he wasn't around, but he doubted that his mother had ever been aware enough to care. And there had been no such thing as homecooked meals in his family until Gawain was old enough to cook. He didn't want to tell her these things both because it was an uncomfortable subject and because it wasn't really in the same category. Still, his mind brought him there and he had difficulty leaving. “I can't imagine what that feels like for your parents, not only losing their daughter but their grand daughter as well. Thankfully it will be a long time until I know what that feels like.” Or maybe not that long after all. His daughter could be starting her own family in as little as three years. An idea that made Gawain very nervous indeed!

“It's been longer than a decade since my brother was killed, but... for me, I think that it was more the way that it happened than when. Though it's always too early, isn't it?” That was the sad truth of it. You never expected the people that you cared about to die. Not even when there was a war going. People were going missing and getting killed all the time. Gawain remembered reading the news and had never felt 'well, my brother might be next'. Even when the battle of Hogwarts was happening, and he saw people falling all around him, he almost couldn't believe it when Damien was one of them. “...Ms. Merlot... Have you ever killed someone before?” he asked quietly. She was an auror, which didn't necessarily mean something either way. Thoughts of the battle reminded him of his first and only kill, which had prompted him into the quiet life.

“We all take risks in loving others,” he said with a smile on his face. Sometimes he felt stupid when he spoke about these things so seriously, but he couldn't help it. Speaking 'dramatically' this way was also speaking from the heart. “You seem to have thought this through, though, and I admire you for it. If I had really thought about the future, I probably wouldn't have stayed with Annie as long as I did.” Of course, there were downsides to that. He also wouldn't have had more children with her, and while the love between he and Annie had faded with time, he couldn't love his children any more than he did. So he wouldn't take back the time that he spent with his ex-wife, but he would encourage others to think about the future more. At least Lina wasn't in a situation like that. She could think more before jumping into a relationship with someone. “And you can give Sophie all the attention that she needs.”

He smiled, glad that she understood what he meant by that. “Yes, as though your soul has aged with wisdom while your body remains young. Sometimes I feel that it's better to have a wise and experienced mind than an ignorant and happy one. Not that all experiences are bad, it's just...” He trailed off, wondering if he was talking too much. The thing about good experiences was that, as all things, they were destined to end somewhere down the road, leaving only fragments and memories of what they once were. It seemed far too depressing to talk about with someone who was young and should be filling her head with optimism. “Sorry. Sometimes I get to thinking and talking at the same time. My mind doesn't quite keep up with my mouth.” He laughed a little bit, to cover up his nerves. Why would she want to waste her day with someone who was so miserable sounding? And it wasn't really that he was depressed or anything like that. He just wasn't shy about going into darker subjects from time to time.

“The first time that I went with my daughter, I had to fight the temptation to follow her onto the train myself. I miss Hogwarts... That, and if I was there, I could keep an eye on her and make sure that she was alright. The only thing that stopped me was remembering what it was like to have adults checking in on me all the time. Well... That, and it would have been very disturbing for a man in his thirties to board the Hogwarts Express.” He smirked. It wasn't his parents that kept an eye on him, really. It was the professors. But still a valid enough point. He looked at her with interest when she mentioned that aurors were at Hogwarts for the tournament. They probably had been when Gawain was in school, too, but he didn't remember them. Probably because there were more interesting things to notice about the tournament than who was policing it. “Of course it makes sense that aurors would be there in case something went wrong... But I would have done the same thing.”

He had to ask, though. “Is it just in case something goes wrong between the schools? Or... What do they expect will happen?” He wasn't questioning their sense of duty by any means. A part of him was just afraid that there would be something like the tournament in the nineties. That someone would die... and that it would be because of Death Eaters. All of that simply screamed paranoia and he hated himself for it. He knew that he should better trust the times. Death Eaters were gone, and they were never going to rise to the same power that they did when he was younger. “I'm sorry... I don't know how that came off, but... I'm just a little worried. Last time they held a tournament like that, someone died.” She would probably know that, of course. Did they cover the events of the war at Hogwarts? He wasn't sure, since Professor Binns still taught History of Magic. Maybe they covered it in Defense Against the Dark Arts instead.

He had thought about living in Hogsmeade before because it would be close to where he did most of his business, but he'd found Ottery St. Catchpole to be so... Charming. “Wednesday, then! I'll let you know through owl post that it's still alright, and you can do the same for me. I'm in Ottery St. Catchpole. Living in Hogsmeade... That's good, if you come to Hogsmeade often. It doesn't seem safe to apparate with a baby, after all...” He'd never tried it, because he was paranoid. He apparated almost everywhere because it was quicker than flying and less messy than floo powder – which also was probably not safe for babies. It wasn't safe for anyone to breathe in and be covered with soot. Still, the tone that he voiced the comment in was curious. Had she tried apparating with Sophie? He didn't really understand what she meant about the weapons but thought that might be a good thing. He had avoided just about everything to do with the dark arts since he left school, so not knowing was bliss.

Waiting for Lina to respond, Gawain felt like an awkward teenager again. He hadn't flirted with anyone since his wife. And he hadn't done that since before things went sour, which was after their first child was born. There were attempts at flirting after, to try to save the marriage, but they didn't feel real to him, and they probably hadn't translated as real for her, either. How could she feel what he didn't? But to his surrpise, he meant what he said to Lina. Or he wouldn't have said it at all. He laughed at her words, about swooning. They made him feel embarrassed, but not in a bad way. He reached out and touched her arm, hesitantly, then smiled at her. “Don't worry so much, it's alright. I didn't expect... anything, either. I'm not really the sort of person to go around saying things like that... I was afraid that I would scare you. You're cute when you're nervous.” He had to add in the last to ease his own nerves, though it was true.