Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2013 5:29:38 GMT -5
It was a Saturday morning and instead of sleeping in, and going to Hogsmeade this weekend he had instead chosen to go to the library and study for the N.E.W.T.s that were coming up very soon for him. With his needed supplied tucked away underneath his arm, he made his way out of the common room, his mind set on heading to the library. It took only a select few moments before he was able to make it in the library, running into a very small amount of people on his way there. Thankfully since it was a Saturday, the library had been completely empty with the exception of the librarian, who sat behind her desk reading a book that had seemed to have completely caught her attention.
Choosing to take a table that was placed far away from all the others so that he would have his privacy when others did eventually come inside. Setting all of the things that he had brought with him down on the table, he pulled up a seat and immediately reached for a book, and looking at the title, frowning in slight irritation when he had realized that in his haste to get out of the common room, he had grabbed the wrong book by mistake.Sighing and running his hand through his hair in pure frustration, he decided to just make the best out of it and opened the book anyway.
He would just do some review today, that would be enough.
He frowned when a few pieces of rolled up parchment fell out of the book, and onto the floor beneath him. He didn't remember placing any notes in this book. His brow furrowed and slowly he reached down beneath his chair, carefully picking up the three notes and setting them down on the table in front of him. The notes had been folded up into very neat little squares, and were completely blank on the outside and if they had not been in his book he probably would have overlooked them. His blue eyes glanced around him making sure that he was not being watched before grabbing the note that was on his furthest right and gently opening it.
Inside the note was a letter addressed to him.
To my beloved Prince,
Each day passes on and I found myself unable to think of anything other than you. You occupy my each and every thought and while most of them are good, there are some that are not good. I have dreams of you leaving me, dreams of you hating me because of something that I did. In those dreams, I hurt you badly. It's silly right? I would never do such a horrible thing to you. I love you.
When people are in love with one another, they would never do something as horrible as causing pain to the one that they're with. I know this, and yet there is something that worries me Xay. What if these dreams become a reality, and one day I cause you pain? Will you forgive me, or will you run away from me? Silly me, I don't know why I even ask. I know that you would stay with me.
You're far too kind to do anything else, and as much as it hurts me to admit, I am just far too selfish to let you go. So please accept this letter as my apology. For whatever I do to you in the future, please forgive me and know that even if all goes to hell, that I am sorry and that I will always love you. No matter what, I just want you to be happy and if that happiness is not with me, then I hope that you end up with someone who can truly see and appreciate what a wonderful person you are my love.
I love you so very much Xayden. Words cannot explain how I feel about you. Each and every day I count my blessings. I am so lucky, so very lucky. I hope that you are just as happy as I am when we are together. See you soon!
Love Always;
Your Mattie.
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Xayden's eyes widened as they ran over the note, carefully analyzing each and every word that had been written. Even before he had seen the signature at the very bottom of the letter he knew who had written it. The letter had been written in such familiar handwriting that he would have had to been blind not to notice it. The faintest scent of Matthias's cologne flew up from the note, and Xayden gripped the note tightly in his hands before setting it down and staring at it blankly.What kind of sick, twisted game was fate playing with him now? Why did he have to stumble across these unread notes now of all times? He had finally found another person to love, he had finally began to believe that he was ready to move on. So why now?
His eyes moved from the opened letter to glare at the other unopened two with such ferocity, such anger that one could easily think that he was staring at his most hated enemy. It was no longer a mystery who the notes were from. The question was did he want to open the other two of them to see what Matthias had written for him? He was torn in two directions.
There was a part of him that told him yes, this was for the best. If he wanted to fully get over Matthias, then this would be the perfect closure for him. The other part of him told him no, not to open the notes and to just throw them out. All that he would get out of reading those notes would be a broken heart.
In the end, his curiosity won over any doubts that he had, and he reached for the note in the middle, and slowly opened it, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again and beginning to read what was inside.
To my dearest Prince,
The dreams are starting to come more and more frequently Xayden. In each and every single one of those dreams, I am not only hurting you but I am hurting others. People that were once so dear to me are suffering by my hands. It scares me Xayden. The dreams are so vivid, so realistic that if I did not know any better I would swear that they are visions. Warnings about what is going to happen in the future. That can't be right though can it? Those dreams are so dark, and bloody. I do things that I know that I would never be able to do in real life.
So why?
Why is it that when I wake up, I feel like my heart is breaking? Why is it that when I wake up from those dreams that I feel so guilty? Why is it that deep inside of myself, I feel like I know that they aren't just dreams ? Is something happening to me that I don't know about? Is this something that I'm going to eventually do? I don't know! Just thinking about this is enough to make my head hurt, a change that I need to start getting used to since I am starting to think about this more and more often.
Oh, I've almost forgotten to mention the changes to you Xayden! Silly me!
Things are starting to change both in and outside of me now. I find my thoughts more and more clustered together as of late. I find my thoughts heading into places that I previously would have never dreamed of letting them go in before. I won't go into detail since I know that you'd be worried if I told you - though I do kind of want to see the look on your face if you were to find out, I do admit.-
Another thing that you should know is that my sense of hearing seems to have gotten better! I can even hear things that no one else seems to be able to hear, isn't that cool?! Granted it's only every once and a while, but it feels like a have a bunch of friends that can only talk to me! They tell me things, and share secrets with me.
If only you could hear them too. They seem to talk about you a lot. They must really like you!
I miss seeing you Xayden. It feels like we haven't seen each other in a long while, and it feels like it's been even longer since we've had a good time together. Why is it that it seems like you are distancing yourself from me? Do you not love me anymore? Has someone else caught your eye? I hope not. I feel so alone right now. All I have besides you are my friends, and honestly I hate feeling so alone. I don't know what I would do if you tried to leave me. I don't think I would be able to let you go.
So please don't leave me. I need you.
Love,
Your Mattie.
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Xayden felt his blood run cold as he read the second note. Those things had been happening to him?! Why the hell did Matthias not go to him instead of sending that note?! He set the note down, his hands moving up to grip at his hair in frustration. Why did Matthias chose to send the damn notes instead of talking to him in person, he wouldn't have judged him! He would have made sure that Matthias got whatever help that he needed! He was almost positive that Matthias would have known this, so why? His eyes glanced at the third and final note, staring at it with an expectant gaze, as if it would hold the answer to all of his questions. Frowning, and sighing before reaching for the third and last note, and opening it. As soon as his eyes caught sight of the greeting, he knew that this would be the hardest one for him to read.
Xayden,
I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm so so so scared. These dreams are happening every single night now. I cannot escape them no matter what I do, for if I do not sleep then these dreams come and begin to haunt me when I am awake. My thoughts have began to become dark and twisted full of violence and death and blood. I have no peace no matter what I do.
Those voices that I told you I heard? They're not my friends! They tell me all sorts of horrible things, especially about you Xayden! They want me to hurt you, to kill you! I can't even be around you anymore because I'm afraid that the voices will take over and make me hurt you Xay! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did something as horrible as that!
But as time goes on and I'm left alone with only my thoughts, I'm starting to realize that me hurting you is becoming more and more possible. I've realized that I've become more possessive over you.I want nothing more than to keep you to myself, and lock you away from the outside world. I want you to only look at me. I want you to only love me. I need you. I want you. I don't want to ever let you go.
I can feel both myself, and my sanity starting to slip away with each and every single passing day. I need someone to help me, I need someone to save me from what I'm becoming. I need someone to save me from the guilt of what I know I'll do, when the time comes and I don't remember you.
Xayden.Please help me. I need you.
~ Matthias.
Xayden stared blankly at the letter that he held in his hands, before gently placing it down onto the table on top of the others. Matthias hadn't come to him because he had been scared that he would end up hurting him. It was all so bitter that it made Xayden feel as if he was going to be sick. Matthias had been suffering, and despite that he had endured it because he thought that by doing so, he was protecting him. In the end all his sacrifice had done was prolong the unavoidable. He felt the corners of his lips tilt upward in a bitter smile, and before he could help it, a small bitter fit of laughter left his mouth as he felt his newly healed heart shatter yet again.
The world truly was a cruel, and wicked place.
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