Progressive Failing Beats

[Aiden Erichson]

So. Much. Blood.

The petite wizard lay as still as death, yet still remained to bleed heavily from torture inflicted cursing. The wounds that Cari tried to fix had torn open violently without so much as an eyelid opening from him. That was what was frightening the healers in Saint Mungo's the most on this early morning. The fact that he'd seemed to either regress into the deep recesses of his mind, or simply lacked the blood to open his eyes again. He looked so frail, so broken...so...old.

Time seemed to weigh heavily upon the Phoenix, each second was a year and ever year, an era. He lay still with a hauntingly pale face Caleb had called him moonkissed in a river of his own blood. Every white surface was stained crimson from the life force fleeing his body. This attack had taken everything from him and it hurt him more to respond than it did to just stay still.

Cari watched from the doorway, her blue eyes welling with tears. That girl was the sister he never had. She could have even been his daughter. Ever since she showed up with her cat ears and pouty lips, he'd cared for her like a daughter. He would never have one of his own, and as far as anyone could see now, he'd never breathe again. This was...close to death.

He wanted to die, like a selfish child.

He wanted to just will his heart to stop beat...

The machine flatlined, only for a moment. Then began to pulse again. Even held tight in Caleb's arms in his memories, he was not alone. Someone was moving through his memories, uninvited, stealthy and dark like a posion. Was there no place he was free.

"Who...is Caleb?

"No one. Get out of my head, Peter."

"No, no, I do believe I'm interested..." His memories rippled slowly as Peter moved through them and Aiden clung tightly to his Caleb. "Don't leave me...don't leave me...don't leave me..." He was begging the memory to stay just as Peter looked at the fragment of memory and blasted him away, leaving Aiden within the darkness of his mind, all alone.

His physical body began to shriek, an inhuman, heartwrenching, endless wave of sobs as he jerked his arms up to reach for the fading memory of Caleb, blood flowing down his arms."No....no....Caleb! I need you!! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!!!"

"So...this is how you've been hiding from my mental attacks. Too bad you let me in." Peter laughed within Aiden's mind and he could hear himself positively wailing, trying to catch another memory of Caleb that Peter simply pushed out of his reach again.

A deep breath gave way to simple hysteria. Aiden's body tremored with a violent seizure, blood gushing from between his lips, which were turning blue with the loss. He was so cold...

"Caleb...just hold me one last time...please...it's so cold."

Healers worked endlessly to stop the heavy bleeding, and finally got it under control after hours of trying. He lay there still, never retreating out of his mind.

"Where.....where are you.....why won't you save me....."

No memories came to him. No love. Nothing but black.

"Caleb?"

The silence killed him.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE AGAIN, CALEB!"

Nothing.

Inside his mind, he was hyperventaliating, climbing the walls to free himself from this hell. There was no escape.

"FUCK YOU, PETER! FUCK YOU! I HAD SOMETHING IN HERE!!"

Laughter within his mind, laughter that was not his own. "What? Your memories? Please, who would want you? You're getting old, Aiden. You're not young. You're not special...you're just a bloody failure as a wizard. Just food for thought, oh wait! You don't eat."

He was using his greatest fears against him, and he hadn't the strength to fight back anymore. Peter released the hold on his mind and Aiden felt his very spirit crumble. Silent sobs shook the man's unconscious form, and Cari moved into the room. "Aiden...?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" The sound was ripped from his throat as he wrenched back and forth, green eyes flashing open and rolling back. Cari was faster than the healers working on the blood flow, whipping out that wand of hers and speaking the fastest counter hex he had ever heard in his life. Flash by flash, his memories returned. All of his Caleb returned into the sanctuary of his mind and his body fell silent and still again as he regressed.

"Where are you, Aiden?"

A healer speaking...

"I'm dying. Who cares where?"

[Aiden Erichson]

He had yet to open his eyes days later. The wounds had healed on his skin, but the mental strain to keep Peter out of his head was taking its toll on him. Somewhere in the hospital, he heard music. Irish step music. St. Patrick's Day. In his mind, he sat quietly and breathed a quiet sigh. Currently, he was sitting in his parents' old home in Dublin. He wished that he could share the feeling of celebration that his countrymen felt.

"Erin go Bragh." He sighed, getting up and moving between memories as his physical body weakened. He stopped at the train station, where he was supposed to meet Caleb and found him there and his heart both swelled and broke.

"Where are you, Aiden?"

"Right now? Right here." He smirked. Caleb did not look amused. He looked older too, but was still recognizable to his heart. He would always know his face.

"Not funny, you little gremlin."

"St. Mungo's."

Caleb had paled, "Why? Why?? What happened to you? Are you ill? Hurt? Tell me!"

Hands clasped to his arms and he was shaken gently.

"I'm not safe. I've gained a lot of bad attention. But, I don't break." He sighed, and looked up at the mental Caleb and felt tears stinging his eyes. "I can't fight them anymore. I'll die if this keeps up."

"No, don't you dare die!"

"Erin go Bragh..."

[Aiden Erichson]

Easter had come and passed, and he still remained silent and still. It was bitter agony to let himself waste away in silence, just to keep himself safe. No one could hurt him here, at least not physically. Not much could be done about his heart however. It still ached.

He could hear Cari's little voice speaking to him in the distance, 'It's so beautiful outside, Aiden...it's warm and the flowers are starting to bud. The trees are budding, and your favorite flowers have already sprouted. I picked some for you and they're here by you for when you wake up.'

Daffodils. He didn't know why, but he loved them. Yellow daffodils and white lilies. They were his favorite. At his parents' estate, once he was old enough to visit (he remembered that Dumbledor had taken him) those flowers were all over the front lawns. It was as if his parents wanted him to know he would be alright in their brightness.

Ever since then, he'd wanted them near him.

Within his memory, he was sitting within the lawns of the estate, staring up at the sky. All he wished was to be able to bring Caleb here. He could stay here forever. That was when he heard the aged voice speaking to him, 'It does not do to dwell on dreams, Aiden.' He looked up and saw Dumbledor and his heart quickly plummeted. 'You know, being a bright wizard, a talanted lad, and an Occulmens, I would think you would have just taken life by the horns. Why do you stay?'

"I want to." He answered quietly.

'If I remember correctly, there was a certain sandy haired boy that you have always been fond of. Caleb. You two were always close, weren't you?'

Aiden felt tears spring into his eyes, "Ever since I set my robes on fire in Flitwick's class. Nothing seperated us..."

'And yet you would rather die here and waste away rather than return to Hogsmeade to wait for him?'

Sobs racked Aiden's petite frame both in his memory and on the outside. Large streams of tears simply poured from his eyes. "Dumbledore...I loved him so much! It's agony! When I'm here, I can see him."

'You remind me of young Harry Potter, watching his parents within the mirror of Erised for hours on end. Aiden l, I will not pretend that your life has been easy, but you need to will yourself to wake up. You need to leave this place. Go back to your shop, find your lover, and live your life. Please? Don't throw it away.'

Slowly, Aiden's eyes opened and his head turned stiffly to one side. Even without his glasses on, he could see the bright blur of daffodils on the bedside table and his heart gave a lurch. His still wet cheeks had long hair clinging to them and he sniffled softly before gazing quietly up at the ceiling.

He was ready to go home, even if it meant being alone. Even if it meant being alone forever. At least he would have his dreams at night to be with Caleb. As much as his heart ached and longed to be with him now, he knew he couldn't.

But, would he ever find his love again? He doubted so. His dreams were all he had. No one would ever love him the way Caleb had.

And he knew he would never love again.