Post by Ren Satoshi on Jul 3, 2013 5:29:59 GMT -5
Never in my life have I thought that my condition made me off base.
Even when my parents sent Takumi to London after my meltdown in a club in Tokyo nearly ended my life, I still thought that it was "Oh, poor me." No, it never was me. It was all those around me. It left a black mark upon all of them. No one was free of the mess that this thing has dragged me through.
En, especially.
He used to make fun of my makeup, make fun of my being high strung because the medication wasn't quite enough to fix my mind...then when he found me regularly medicated and calm...he grew to love me. At least, it felt like he did. Those stolen kisses and nights studying together were something magical aside from the norm.
When I finally got my Takumi back, I saw how much London had changed him. Tiamara had changed his heart, he'd grown cold, driven...not the same sweet boy he'd been when he left.
That was my fault.
He'd never have had to leave if I hadn't tried to be friends with people that didn't truly like me. Muggles. They wanted me to not be medicated so they could laugh at my panicked expression whenever I caught my own reflection. No one ever wanted to see the monster that I saw in those reflective surfaces. When I medicated myself, they had a hard time not being attracted to me.
I'm told I'm a different person when I'm medicated.
I'm charming, seductive, confident...and people like that, I guess.
I don't see the difference. There isn't much left of me that I recognize anymore that my condition hasn't tainted. My broken heart has tainted me far worse than anything ever will.
Even when my parents sent Takumi to London after my meltdown in a club in Tokyo nearly ended my life, I still thought that it was "Oh, poor me." No, it never was me. It was all those around me. It left a black mark upon all of them. No one was free of the mess that this thing has dragged me through.
En, especially.
He used to make fun of my makeup, make fun of my being high strung because the medication wasn't quite enough to fix my mind...then when he found me regularly medicated and calm...he grew to love me. At least, it felt like he did. Those stolen kisses and nights studying together were something magical aside from the norm.
When I finally got my Takumi back, I saw how much London had changed him. Tiamara had changed his heart, he'd grown cold, driven...not the same sweet boy he'd been when he left.
That was my fault.
He'd never have had to leave if I hadn't tried to be friends with people that didn't truly like me. Muggles. They wanted me to not be medicated so they could laugh at my panicked expression whenever I caught my own reflection. No one ever wanted to see the monster that I saw in those reflective surfaces. When I medicated myself, they had a hard time not being attracted to me.
I'm told I'm a different person when I'm medicated.
I'm charming, seductive, confident...and people like that, I guess.
I don't see the difference. There isn't much left of me that I recognize anymore that my condition hasn't tainted. My broken heart has tainted me far worse than anything ever will.